The first week of each year tends to be a time for reflection for me.... Sitting down with a hot cup of coffee and my journal to look back at the past year. To go through the list of things I set out to do 12 months ago and see what I actually did. The things I did that were planned and those that weren't. To see what worked and what didn't. As I sit down in this treasured window of silence while Greyson naps and think about this past year, I honestly think OMA-GOODNESS! This year was one for the books. It was one of the most beautiful, challenging, and amazing years of my story so far. This year we brought LIFE into the world. I mean, if that doesn't trump all the other things I did or set out to do this year and my years prior I don't know what does!
And while I feel more like a tired exhausted runner stumbling across the finish line this year with muddy sneakers instead of a well put together jogger with a sleek pony tail and clean white sneakers barely breaking a sweat, I wouldn't have it any other way. This year of life was so full. But this time last year, as I looked forward to 2014, I was brimming with excitement but also had a lot of fear. I was about to embark on an adventure through the unknown. Those "what ifs" flooded my mind at night as I would stare at the ceiling trying to fall asleep. What if the baby comes and I have no idea what I'm doing? What if I can't run our photography business and take care of a newborn at the same time? What if I can't manage both? What will my days look like and be filled with? How will I make time for everything? What if I let people down? How can I prepare for the unknown challenges I am going to face?
Truth is, there was no real way to prepare. I just needed to go through it and figure it out day after day, one foot in front of the other, living and loving the journey and trusting that God was in control.
Someone asked me the other day what my "word" was for 2015 - that one word that would be the spirit of the 12 months ahead. I couldn't believe it, but I knew what my word was right away. I had to laugh thinking that of all the words and of all the times in my life, this would be my word. But it had been on my heart for a while, and I knew that it was it. My word for 2015 is BRAVE. Yes, brave.
This year, I am setting goals that scare the heck out of me. I am going to do things where I may succeed or I may fail, but I won't know until I try. I'm going to be stepping out of my comfort zone in big ways and do things that I know going into them will keep me awake staring at my ceiling night after night. And i'm going to embrace that. I'm going to take chances and risks, because after all they are the BFFs of doing BIG things. I want to set out to do things that will cause me to be brave. To put aside what people may think and chase the dreams that I always thought were way bigger than to dream for myself. I want to teach Greyson even now not just with words but with actions, how to dream big dreams and to persevere. And to be brave again and again. This year I am going into 2015 with a heart overflowing with a gratefulness for the blessings of the last year and filled with a bravery to DO the big-scary-seemingly-impossible-may-fall-on-my-face things. Because in the end, it will be worth it, successful or not.
A little throw back to this time last year... 5.5 months pregnant in Punta Cana to shoot one of our amazing couples destination weddings! :)