Jan 28, 2016
It's like clockwork. Every morning while it's still dark, before anyone else is awake at our house, my alarm goes off. My feet touch the hardwood floors, I throw my robe on over my pajamas and stumble into our kitchen. The little lamp in our living room on a timer slowly turns on at 5:30am lighting my way with a soft glow. Oh how I love the stillness that fills our house early in the morning before the sun rises. Taking out a mug from the cabinet, I brew a fresh pot of hazelnut coffee and stick a banana in my robe pocket for breakfast. I sit down for my daily quiet time to start my day with God before grabbing the baby monitor and tip-toeing downstairs to my office to get crackin on tackling my inbox, my list of To Dos for the day, confirming meetings for the week, ordering albums, editing sessions and so on. After what is (hopefully) a solid uninterrupted two hours of work, the sunshine pours through the windows and peaks through the curtains. I hear Greyson on the monitor and come upstairs to always find Remington sunbathing in the perfect spot on the carpet. Then comes one of my absolute favorite parts of the day.
I slowly push Greyson's door open, and with the shades still pulled down, its dark and hard to see inside as my eyes adjust... but out of the corner of the room where the crib is, I hear this sweet little voice... "Mama?" I tell him, "Yes honey. Morning love." He begins to laugh, babble in his own language with a few words interjected here and there I understand, and point to his blanket. As I lift him out of the crib he proclaims, "Hi!" and my heart almost nearly explodes. Every.single.day.
It's the absolute best way to start my day. I hold him tight, tell him I love him and chat with him about our plans for the day, as if he would understand... play date, errands, finger painting, and lots of playing with his trains. I thank God daily for the blessing of being able to work for myself which has allowed me to stay home with Greyson everyday. And it's a blessing I don't take lightly or for granted. And that's why when people ask if it's hard to get up early to work, work late into the night and try and balance this whole full time mom and full time business owner thing, I can't help but tell them the truth. Yes, its hard. Some days are harder then others. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done. Sometimes I have days that I feel like I am not being the best at anything, and need to give myself a little grace. Sometimes my son and other people need me and things need to be done, and usually on those days he wakes up before my alarm and skips his nap that day. Sometimes its 6pm and I am still unshowered and in my robe and had Cherrios for breakfast and lunch... and there are some in my hair. But the truth of the matter is I wouldn't change a thing. I truly know how fortunate and blessed I am to be home with him and I can't begin to imagine my life without him. And I know now more then over, that being a mom is a sacrifice... A sacrifice to some extent of your schedule, wants, needs, dreams and time... and sleeping patterns. But oh how it's SO worth it and more often then not, doesn't feel like a sacrifice, but just part of loving and providing for your child.
And you know the funniest thing? So many of those goals and "accomplishments" I had set for myself years ago have slowly shifted. My dreams have changed. My wants and desires have changed. I have changed. It's a reflection of how my heart has grown and changed ever since Greyson came into our lives. He has helped me refocus on what's really important in the day to day and what I really want in the long run. He has changed my big picture dreaming. This little boy constantly teaches me so much about myself and continually helps shape me into the best version of myself. And he's only (almost) two! I can't wait to see what I will learn from our son as he keeps getting older.
As I type this I hear him babbling to his stuffed animal puppy and covering him with his blanket, an hour earlier then he normally wakes up. But my coffee cup is empty, a banana peel is sitting on my desk and my favorite part of the day awaits me upstairs.